The time has arrived..

Lots of things have to be discussed and resolved , as time has come. This is a very personal post (as if in all other posts I write International affairs) . Personal in the sense , it has to be written in my diary - not to be exposed to the external world. You can ask me then why I'm writing it here. Just because I feel like writing now than hiding my emotions.

So let me start from today. Morning I got up very early , wore the traditional Kerala sari and went to Sree Padmanabha Swamy temple. I got the darshan . Prayed to Lord Vishnu because I am completely dependent on him. I got a chance to stay near the Sreekovil for a lot of time. The vigraha is so huge and I was wondering what is beneath it.

At 10' o clock in the morning , I wore an yellow sapphire ring. I was asked to wear it because yellow sapphire is supposed to remove the delay in getting married. And I believe it will.

And I am happy. Because today I took the first step towards my dream house - a small beautiful house near the seashore. I made the first move by telling about it to my mom and aunt. And I know they have not taken it seriously. They can say a hundred reasons why it can not happen, but I have a one solid reason why it can happen : My Wish - it is one of my greatest wishes to build a dream house . Neither me nor my parents are not in good financial position for it now. But I believe , once we start - make the first move , it can happen. Because Belief - Trust - Faith - Desire - Hope - Dream - Wish these magical words really work out !!!

"The Alchemy of Desire " I liked a name so much and I bought the book last day . But after reading the first 40 pages , I gave a second thought whether to continue reading or not . It is not because I didn't like the story or I was not able to follow.. But I got really scared .Even before getting married I started thinking what will happen if my husband leave me ? what will happen if we lose interest in each other? what will happen if he falls in love with someone else? So I put it on hold. I will be reading it once I get the courage to move on .

Coming on to Professional front - I'm totally absolutely madly don't know to where I am going. I realize I don't enjoy my work . At the same time I cannot take the risk of leaving my job , beacuse neither do I know what is my interest. I know I have deviated and "something happened to me drastically" ( as my manager says). People tell lots of disadvantages of being in IT industry. But I will tell you what I expect from my current job.

1.To take responsibility of my life.
Due to various known reasons , eventhough I am a girl of 24 years , I don't have the responsibilty that is expected from an 15 yr girl. I'm an irresponsible fellow and I have re-named irresponsibility as "tension free". I have realized it and now I am working out to take the complete responsibilty of my actions - in short - MY LIFE.

2.To be cool even when ur surroundings are burning.
All through my life , I have known as a cool person. But now I realize the way I kept myself cool was wrong. I always refused to take the responsibilty. I still remember I never used to study hard - because I preferred to leave everything to luck , thus refusing to take the responsibilty of my success or failure. This will change . This is something that I wish to change.

And this industry gives me the wonderful oppurtunity for self development. I want to remain calm and composed , even when my manager is roaring at me. I want to feel the tension during a product release and want to be cool at the same time take responsibilty of doing my actions within the deadlines.

3.To know the real meaning of "committed".
I want to know how it will feel , when you are really committed. Till now I feel I have committment issues. I hope I can change.

4.To enjoy the life.
The most beautiful period of my life , I want to enjoy. I want prosperity in everything I do. I like to surround myself with the people who have faith in me , like to see happiness in people's eyes.
Widen the knowlege of horizon. In short live each day as if it is the last day of my life.

5. "Think of achieving what u think u can't achieve"
There are many things in life that at this point , I feel I can't achieve . Or other people think I can't achieve. What I dislike most is that when people set limitaions for me . And one day I will prove anything is possible. so I think of achieving something that is tagged as "unattainable".

I loved this post and really enjoyed while writing.